Misophonic Girl

Well, I am not an expert by any means on Misophonia and through the power vested in google I have finally found a term that can describe these terrible feelings of nausea, rage and utter disgust. One night, a special someone was walking around my apartment and the sound of his feet DRAGGING against the carpet literally led me to tears, I googled "sound of feet on carpet drives me insane" and through various sites and suggestions I was able to relate to the condition Misophonia. I went into a state of awe because how shocked I was

to find that I may not be completely crazy, happiness because I am NOT alone, confusion because how can you explain this to someone? Oh Ya, I have this thing that when I hear certain noises, it can trigger fits of rage.. ya, that's easy to explain to my loved ones. I also immediately began a cry fest because I finally was able to determine what the fuck this was that has been haunting me for years. I truly sat in bed for a good hour just reading all about this new word I've learned and between the tears I was able to identify my affliction. Next, it was onto the hard part of attempting to explain what the hell I am talking about..

Honestly, I've told a handful of people that I may be suffering from this and they basically laughed it off. I wish for one day that they could walk into my shoes and experience the horrible feelings associated with Misophonia. When people close to me do not take this seriously, it is very discomforting. Also suffering from "bi-polar or manic depression" they MUST think I am a real loon, but this justifies why research and education on Misophonia is so important. Could my Misophonia have something to do with my "in balance"? It does seem to be more considerable when I am not on medication, maybe the two coincide with one another? Whatever it is, a solution is not yet clear.

Trust me, I do not wish this on ANYONE and would do anything to "reverse" it, "eliminate" it, even SUBDUE it! It has affected my life in so many ways that just seem unfair, but hey, LIFE IS UNFAIR... As for personal relationships, Misophonia is a major cause of rifts. I cannot blame ALL my problems on this but looking back I can see why I haven't lasted more than 2 years with any man. By the nearing of the 2 years, everything they do drives me nuts. From the way they eat, talk, shuffle their feet.. anything can be a trigger and I, in no way, know how to COPE. I would try just about anything at this point but these kind of treatments and "diagnoses" take time and more importantly MONEY (which I have little extra).

About Me:

I am a 25 (almost 26) year old female living in a hectic city filled with triggers and other external stressors. Thankfully, I work for a small company (2 employees) and the Misophonia doesn't interfere too much with what I do (generally do not have to deal with the public)and if something is bothering me I can easily walk away, listen to music or put headphones on.

My main triggers are food chomping, sucking of the fingers, finger snapping, heavy breathing, snoring, throat clearing, feet against carpet, gum chewing and there are more less crucial triggers. When I hear these sounds I have to work hard to keep myself together. I find when I tell people they become offended but I think I need to work on my approach because it can come off a bit rude but its because I am holding back so much rage, anger and tears! These triggers are enough for me, from time to time, have to go and duck into a bathroom and just cry. Even thinking about them make my eyes well up.

I honestly cannot remember a time when this did not affect who I am. I can remember triggers from most prominent people in my life. My sister and I are 11 months apart and as close as we are in age, we are completely opposite human beings. The first trigger I remember with her is the SNAPPING of the fingers, it drove me absolutely insane. She picked up on how much it irritated me and would use it intentionally against me to send me into those fits of rage. I can now wonder if these situations had anything to do with our constant fighting and our distant relationship (even as adults).

I strongly believe in the ability to laugh at yourself and I usually lighten very dark situations with humor and a nonchalant outlook. Some think it may be "cold" and not such a good way to deal with pain or emotions, but everyone is different and we all have individualized approaches to our happiness, mine being humor. So, let Readers Digest continue to call me a nut, better than calling me late to dinner.

I really created this blog to help with my venting and to connect with others who are suffering (or think they are suffering) from this same disorder, condition, disease; whatever the hell you want to call it.

I am sure I will be adding more in depth information and I hope you find my story interesting!

Wishing you serenity,

Brittany

P.S. If you read this, leave a comment.. negative or positive!