The interval between posts must become SHORTER. My triggers are starting to bother me more and more with worse outcomes. The carpet makes me have to make a noise louder than the carpet sound, does that make sense? Not really, but lets say the feet are dragging on the floor, I will make a noise that may drown it out. People may look at me weird and think that I am over exaggerating or "faking it" but what can you do?
The fact that Prozac may have helped subdue my triggers is very interesting although I am not quite sure what it means. Does that mean that it is in fact a chemical in-balance, a neurological issue? I blamed the Prozac for losing my hair but guess what, my hair is STILL falling out and I have been off the Prozac for months now. I think it may be stress but its been falling out for about a year now. My dermatologist says that it is Telogen Effluvium and I have lost a significant amount of weight in the past few years but this is ridiculous. I am used to having beautiful THICK hair and now its pathetic. It stresses me out even more when I get out of the shower and look at the loss of hair. Cry almost every time, cant be good for already elevated stress levels. Excuse my tangent but it REALLY bothers me and I have gone to several doctors and had lots of blood drawn.
Life without a antidepressant is super unstable. I've struggled almost all my life (starting around ~12ish, if you can believe that). I go through spurts of being on medication and not and the NOT spurt is horrendous for me and all included. Constant cycle of up down up down up down up.. not fun and REALLY hard to keep lasting relationships. This final time that I have started medication was because my boyfriend basically gave me an ultimatum, see a psychiatrist or I am gone.. Well, I knew that I had problems so I chose to see a psychiatrist. Money is another issue that may not lead me to the best treatment possible. I went to the one doctor because he gave me a discount for my lack of mental health coverage. Eventually, he kind of just DISAPPEARED and left me stranded (the reason I gave up the Prozac, didn't have any refills left and DR VANISHED!)I still have yet to google review his ass!
Its been hard lately because my self diagnosed Misophonia has been creeping up more and more. The carpet sound makes me grind my teeth and want to SCREAM so loud. Although, I have told my boyfriend how the scraping of his teeth across the fork really bothers me so he tries his hardest to not do it. My dad told me that inmates used to do that to eachother to get a rise so I told him that but he didnt think it was very funny or serious. Did I mention THROAT CLEARING? That is MORE AND MORE starting to irritate the hell out of me. I know a few people that do it when they get anxious or nervous and it makes me want to A. punch someone or something or B. get up and walk out of the room and far far away (which is the better option). I have to listen in on phone conversations and the throat clearing during conversation irks me to no end. I feel so bad for feeling this way because it makes me feel (not hatred.. IDK the word I am looking for) to the people that are performing these actions when in reality they are the people I love and cherish the most! But I did read somewhere that Misophonia may be more likely to cause you to be triggered by people you care about much more than random strangers.
I have to go now! I promise to write soon! <3
