My life is currently in shambles and I am in self destruct mode. About a month and a half ago my boyfriend of 2.5 years sorta bailed on me, moved out, and now is telling me to find a new place to live. Well, living in South Florida is not an easy thing for a single person to do. The cost of living is outrageous and even thought I make decent money, living on my own does not seem like an option. I have had horror stories with roommates and my last apartment was burglarized and my life was stolen from me. The anxiety facing this whole endeavor is overwhelming.
I have had a rough couple of months. My best friend in the world recently lost her mother to whom I was fairly close with. It was sudden and unexpected (we think it was a drug overdose). The same day we found out that her mother had passed, I received a phone call and was told my father had a heart attack. He was initially okay but it has started a downward spiral. All the while, I have been living alone and basically keeping to myself feeling depressed as ever.
My mom has also been in town which is rough because she doesn't care about me at all (I am not trying to feel sorry for myself). It is a ridiculous situation and I should know better than to EVER expect anything from her. Maybe if I got pregnant and starting using IV drugs than I would have her attention, as my sister did. I havent had her attention for more than half my life so why would I need it now.
While my mom was in town, my (ex?)boyfriend was up my ass for me to pay attention to him. What he doesnt understand is that I don't want my mom to know ANY of my business hence the reason I did not like to talk to him in front of HER. She was already trying to pry into my business as it was. He called me up a week from today and told me that he was done and I need to start looking for a place to live and left off with calling me a dramatic bitch (I was trying to tell him I had too much on my plate and did not have a chance to think about our situation). How cold was that, to call me dramatic bitch?
So enough rambling about all my going ons. This week my misophonia SKYROCKETED because my mom is a huge trigger. Her gum chewing makes me want to cry and it got to the point where I would say something rude, put on my headphones or just go to bed. Why does it effect me so? Whats funny is that I was talking to my aunt yesterday and she mentioned that her son (my cousin) might suffer from it as well as my Grandpa. I can remember my Grandpa's rage when things would trigger him. Funny thing is that he was a huge trigger of mine. He would tap the steering column when he got nervous and clear his throat (drove me batty).
When my aunt and I were talking about how I think I may have misophonia, my mom called me a hypochondriac, which pissed me off so bad. I will admit that I am a hypochondriac to a point - if my girlfriends kids have strep throat I will feel my throat become itchy - but this misophonia condition has been a huge deal to my the past six or so months. Ever since I found out about it I have been researching and learning. It is sad that almost everyone I have told about it has something extremely negative to say. It breaks my heart, but hey what can I do about it ?
I have actually been going to therapy and she has also been researching Misophonia as well. She first heard about it on 20/20 although I knew about it before then. The problem is, now that I live alone I am not triggered as much anymore (only at work).
I appreciate you taking the time to read this!
Cheers!
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